Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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