I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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