now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
