I just threw up on my dentist
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
