just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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