How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
