dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
