i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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