I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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