fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
