Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
