Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
