You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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