I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
