So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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