quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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