i jhust puked up my retainher.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize