shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't put those talents on a resume
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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