I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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