You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im holly from the hills drunk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
