he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
