I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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