how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
