im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
