The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
