yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
