fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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