$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think people are normalizing furries
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
