The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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