Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
