Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
