woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
