The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
