We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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