Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
