peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize