She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
