Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
