we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
