Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
