the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
