Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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