If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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