love makes seman taste better
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
