My hand turned me down
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
