My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I will die if light touches me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
