So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've blown a few things in my day
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
