I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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