Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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