I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
