Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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