ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
