My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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