If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
