you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
