just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
