I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
pray to the hookup gods
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
