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Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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