life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
