She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
