Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
