i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
