non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
