Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
