She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
