THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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