I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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