I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
