Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
