so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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