ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
