I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
