Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
