life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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