the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
