there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
