On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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