How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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