I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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