i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
