Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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