I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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