3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have demons in me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
