Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
