bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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