It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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