Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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