help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
