I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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