dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize