Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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