How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
where are my eyebrows?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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