I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
