she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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