what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
